'Ever wonder'

Ever wonder why you are here
Ever thought that perhaps it doesn’t matter
Did you ever stop to think of
The countless souls out there
Who are more confused than you are?

Have you ever woken up at night
Have you ever paused on the streets
Thinking of others and “What if?”
The numerous cries and moans
That echo in your mind, “It could be me”?

I don’t ask God why I am not rich
I don’t ask God why I am not beautiful

I ask Him why others are filthy poor
I ask Him why some are born blind

I know better than to ask him why I am not as lucky as some
I know better than to ask him why I am not given more than what I have

Yet I cannot help but ask the question that keeps burning in my heart and soul
Yet I cannot but help ask the question that wakes me from my dreams

I know that some things are best left alone
I know that some things are beyond my comprehension

But I want to know
If what I know is real
If it is the only thing alive
If it is substantial for this living
And that I am not here in vain.

Basically, my question is
“Why am I here?”

How do I know that I am more than what I am now
How do I know that what I know is enough to sustain me
How do I know and feel confident that I need nothing more

“Why am I the way I am?”
Is there a reason for me being me
Is there a reason why I am made the way I am
Is there a reason that I am constantly questioning
Is there a reason that I am so aware and wary

You may say it is what it is
You may say it is not for mere beings to comprehend
You may say it is not important to know more than needed

But I want to know
Why am I so aware
Of my deficiencies and ineptness
Of my desire to know
Of my impatience and lack of intelligence
Of my weakness and mental blindness

Do you know that I wish I never wake up from sleep
Do you know I wish that I was born less mentally capable
Do you know how I wish that I was not who I am
Do you know I wish that lightning would strike me cold

It is not enough to know
It is not enough to see
It is not enough to hear
It is not enough to feel

I want to know that all is well
With every inconsequential drop of rain
With every inherent breath I make
I want to feel right with the world
I want to feel the world is right with me

I want …

Ever wonder how it is to wake up
With tears streaming down your face
Knowing that you are lost
Ever wonder how it would be like to be blind
With no hope of sight regain
Forever dependent on others
Ever wonder how it feels to be poor
With the knowledge that when one dies
It is richness profound?

Basically, I want to know

“Why am I here?”